On Waiting to Pursue My Dreams

I have nothing clever...witty...great...tonight.

Writing this blog is one of the best things I've done for myself. Except, I can't be 100% honest because I know someone reading will think, "Was that about me?" "Did I do that/say that?"

But, that fact keeps me in check.

I am having trouble sitting still. I feel something stirring inside of me and I'm grabbing at every idea that comes to mind. The other evening my sister-in-law shared a personal note my brother Charlie wrote in his Bible. And I've clung to his words...just sit and wait to hear God.

So, here I am sitting...waiting...typing this blog. Feeling like I can't say what I'm really thinking.

Waiting...doesn't life feel too short to wait? What if I wait too long and miss something.

I've never been afraid to try something and fail. I've done it plenty of times. I put myself through college (okay, that was not a failure at all and I'm still cultish about my XU), but then I thought I wanted to be a Realtor. So, I put myself through Real Estate school, passed my exam and wham...was a certified Realtor. Uh, that didn't work.

I've been a student, real estate agent, substitute teacher, youth pastor, retail worker, court appointed special advocate/guardian ad litem, I don't even remember my title at Fidelity Investments, travel writer, public relations coordinator, marketing assistant, membership recruiter for the Girl Scouts.

I've loved aspects of each of these jobs. I really can't say I hated or disliked any of them. But, they just didn't satisfy the thirst for....I've got nothing.

I don't know what the thirst is for. I dream of something so big and great that I have this fear I will go my whole life and will never find it. Why is that such a big deal? Why can't I be satisfied with what I have now...it isn't bad at all!

I have a great, healthy family. A good job that I like. I like what I do and the people I work with. I have a beautiful home and feel blessed beyond measure for it. When does your yearning for more become ungratefulness?

So here's what I'm thinking tonight: What is this feeling? This feeling that I have something so much bigger in store? Is it selfishness? Is it naivete?

All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue then. --Walt Disney

I just need to find out what those dreams really are!