You're Welcome

Today I have been asked to reflect on what people thank me for. What would I do (or do I do) for people if I didn't get paid? I could immediately answer this question because I literally just did this--travel advice. I tend to think everyone knows what I know because I make assumptions everyone travels like I do. But then I come across people who haven't and need that extra encouragement or advice. And, it makes me feel good knowing that I may help them make a lifetime of memories.

Do you need the courage to travel? Are you unsure where to even start? Are you holding off on the trip of your dreams for a more ideal time (more time, more money, not under a worldwide quarantine?). I'm happy to offer some consultation. And, when the world is no longer closed, I can help you plan an adventure for a reasonable price!

But for now, I encourage you to make an adventure in your home. This weekend, plan to go somewhere you've always wanted to go. Make a themed playlist, dress in the clothes you would pack, cook a cuisine you'd eat at this place. Relax, play a game, go on vacation in your living room! I'm going to make plans and I'll share them with you soon!

I Wander to Not be Lost

A vacation for many is a time to relax, sit by a beach, and sip a frozen drink. That actually sounds pretty good right now as the world is in quarantine. Americans are facing a complete lockdown. No travel outside of the United States. This makes me more than anxious. Not because I had plans to go anywhere, but because if I wanted to, I couldn't. I'm much more of a free-spirit than I allow myself to be. And, when I take vacations I unleash that little magical nomad that has to hide the rest of the year. Travel is my antidote to the mundane. It's my liberation from daily expectations. It's the closest to magic I can achieve.

When I talk about my travels, I can feel my eyes twinkle. Travel provides my core need to wander, to explore, and to be free. Shamefully, I'll admit I can be pretty judgmental on how people travel because I feel many miss the boat on the experience of an adventure. There is a difference between a casual annual vacation and an actual adventure. Casual vacations by the beach sound wonderful. They're relaxing. And, as I mentioned earlier, I think this sounds wonderful. But what makes my heart skip a beat is planning an actual adventure. My inner Bilbo Baggins comes out every single time I plan.

What are the differences between a vacation and an adventure?

Vacations:

• Relaxing location 
• Access to tourist activities like shopping, entertainment, and restaurants
• Usually well known and very accessible 
• Commercial appeal 
• Cookie-cutter and common 
• Easy to plan 

Adventures: 

• Not relaxing in the sense of lying around and sipping pina coladas, but relaxing in the sense that you are "away" from the "known"
• You'll struggle to find tourist activities and have to rely on local establishments--that's part of the fun! 
• Off the beaten path and sometimes off the grid
• You won't find brochures on them at the travel agency
• Requires research and risks
• Time-consuming to plan
• You'll probably come back tired

So, why would anyone take an adventure over a vacation? Because there are some of us that need to explore. Our daily life is so predictable that we just want to get away from people, tourist traps, and bullshit. We want to drive around mountain ranges. Take a hike to a waterfall, wade in crystal clear waters, feel the rain hit our bodies in the middle of a hike, stumble upon wildlife (and if you're crazy like me, talk to them). 

Adventures fill my soul. And, these days, my soul feels pretty empty. I don't necessarily mean in a spiritual sense but in the enjoyment of my everyday life. As I sit on my couch and admire my framed photography from my past travels, I can smile looking at each of them that was based on an adventure. I can hear the sounds, smell the air, feel the wind. I'm taken away as one of the Pevensie siblings from the Chronicles of Narnia. 

As I deal with these quarantines like the rest of the world, I'll work on planning my next adventure when the time is right. As the famous quote from J.R.R. Tolkien goes, "Not all who wander are lost," I'd like to add that I wander so I'm not lost. And, right now, I'm feeling lost...so I need an adventure. 

Finding Me

It's been a very long time since I've blogged...on this blog. Somewhere in all the craziness of my job I packed up my voice and put it away. I've been given a writing challenge so I'm unpacking my dusty writing voice and starting over.

I'm from a small town east of Cincinnati, OH. I came from a blue-collar family who provided a lot of love and all my basic needs. I  worked very hard in school and was the first of my family to attend college. While in high school, I became obsessed with proving myself and competing academically with the "smart" kids. And, I held my own, graduating 10th in my class. But, I always knew I wasn't quite as smart as the other kids. I hard to work harder in science and math. I wasn't labeled gifted, and so badly wanted to be. So, in addition to working my ass off academically and giving myself a lifetime sentence of anxiety, I put my inferiority complex way down deep by dreaming really big dreams. I was going to be a corporate attorney. To me, that would show everyone I was smart and successful.

I entered college as an international affairs major with a French minor. In my sophomore year of college, I joined ROTC with the goal of joining the JAG Corps. However, it became quickly apparent that I no longer wanted to be enrolled in my major or ROTC. So, I decided to switch majors. One of the subjects I have always been interested in is history. I love nearly everything about history. So, I headed to the history department only to be highly discouraged from becoming a history major. Feeling lost, I took a quick stock of what else interested me. Advertising! That sounds fun! So, I headed to the communications office but the advertising advisor was not in his office. However, the public relations advisor was and after a chat with him, I decided to switch my major and become a PR major.

By Christmas break of my junior year, I was married and by senior year I decided that I didn't want to go to law school. I was actually afraid of the LSAT and I just wanted to start working. But, the decision to not go to law school left me very lost. And, honestly, I have been ever since...20 years later! It's not that I want to be a lawyer, it's just that I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I've spent my whole career in the non-profit sector convincing myself that I'm doing good, but really, I only think that non-profit is as good as I can do. I've spent my whole career working to prove myself, busting my ass to go the extra mile for half the pay my peers in corporate America make. I've told myself over and over that I'm making a difference, but really it's just the story I tell myself to make me feel better.

So, I am not at a mid-life crossroads. I don't want to do what I do anymore, but I've squashed my passion. The need to pay the bills and have flexibility as a wife and mother have taken precedent over my dreams. So, after watching many inspirational videos I came across a TEDx video about "Living Your Legend" and it resonated with me. Except, I don't know what my passion really is. I'm so interested in so many things. But, the one thing that lights me up is history and travel. I can literally feel my eyes twinkle when I have the opportunity to talk to people about these two topics---especially when they are combined. All our family vacations center around history. I have a coveted National Park Passport that looks like it survived the Titanic. Today, I joined Live your Legend and I'm hoping I can gain clarity about my purpose and find a way to use this to support myself financially. I'm ready to make my own history.

First Identified Character Flaw: PRIDE

I've been known to say a time or two that family is overrated. Other than my immediate family, I've never been one to desire the big "Walton" family and all the fuss that goes on with it. I came from a small family, so maybe that's why. Maybe it's because I was raised as an only child until my little brother was born when I was nine (remember, I wasn't raised with my older brother).

I have amazing memories of my Nanny...my great-grandmother. But she died when I was 10. And, I really lucked out of having doting grandparents. The same grandparents that made over my older brother and cousins had very little affection or appreciation for my existence. I think this may have affected me more than I realize.

Despite the fact I was involved so many activiites and made good grades, etc., my grandparents never showed their pride. Unfortunately, all I heard was a comment about what another member of the family was doing that they tried to "one-up" my experience. That comparison is enough to drive you crazy.

I still carry this baggage. The baggage of never feeling "good-enough" or feeling compared. Even when people don't intentionally compare me with someone else, I still feel it. And, I've overcompensated this with being extremely independent and strong. Now, don't get me wrong, I love that I am independent and strong, but I think this lends to people feeling like they never have to go out their way to say complimentary things to me.

Guess what, strong, independent women still need to hear positive remarks. Don't think they don't.

From my observations, it often seems to me that the most emotionally "needy" people are the ones people flock to and say things like, "Oh, you're so beautiful," or "Gorgeous like always," etc. What makes these people gorgeous and beautiful? And sense I've gained weight, I feel the sting of these comments even more. It's not that I actually need everyone's approval or to be lied to for the sake of making me feel good. I just get perplexed why people go out of their way to tell all the "pretty" people of the world how great they are, yet no one goes out of their way to say, "You're so great for being a good human being," etc. However, as I'm typing those words I feel the conviction that all this comes down to pride.

PRIDE is one of the those character flaws I'm trying to work on. God help me.

I'm surviving

Turns out getting rid of Facebook has been amazing. I am way less worried or interested about the nitty gritty details of everyone's life. I've also noticed that when I'm with friends I'm way more engaged about what's been going on because I actually don't know.

The elimination of a personal Facebook page has allowed me to think about other things in my life I want to work on.

This lenten season, I chose to work on some character "flaws" in order to become more like Christ rather than giving something up. Turns out, I would have been more successful giving something up. Trying to rid yourself of the nasty habits you get in doesn't happen in 40 days.

I'm much more aware of them, perhaps that is the first step. It's actually painful.

So here's what I'm thinking: If you aren't sure if you should quit facebook, I say do it. It has allowed me to realize that I'm not the center of the universe. I talk to the people that enrich my life and that I care about. And, it has allowed me to be much more introspective.

My Addiction

I never thought this would happen to me. But, I have an addiction. The "rules" say the first step to recovery is admitting this. So, here I go. While this may at first seem like a silly joke, it isn't. I have an addiction to Facebook. When my husband first told me this, I scoffed at him as being dramatic. I told him that I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends, high school classmates, etc. "I'm a social person," I justified, "this is my outlet."

But the reality is much more severe. Through the years, I've had some very negatives situations with Facebook. I've also have some rewarding situations. Rewards that I now liken to a Pavlov's dog situation. I get a "high" when someone clicks they like something witty I've posted, or agree with my opinion. On the other hand, I get irritated at reading other peoples projected lives and the pretentiousness that is pervasive on Facebook.

Recently, I've had some negative family "Facebook" situations. I've realized that I am not as emotionally safe as I want to be. So, I went on a "blocking" rampage. Some of these folks are really nice people, but because I felt so wounded, betrayed and belittled, I decided I needed to choose my audience wisely. I felt good about this. Perhaps this is a way I can stay on Facebook. But these situations haven't gone away.

I've had to have conversations with intelligent adults about actions on Facebook. I've had to "answer" for why I've de-friended or blocked people. I have family that I'm sure isn't talking to me because, gasp, I de-friended them. It's caused me to re-evaluate this medium and how it has changed social culture for good.

I can't tell you how many conversations I've been in that starts with, "Did you see my post of Facebook," or "She posted on Facebook," etc. For me, it just isn't healthy. I have a hard time with boundaries. I know this about myself. It's difficult for me to read something that irritates me and let it go. I am opinionated and as much as I hate it about myself, judgmental. This is not a good recipe for a user on Facebook.

So, I've decided that in order to restore some harmony and deepen my love for humanity, I need better boundaries. That means I don't need to know (or really want to for that matter) who is projecting how wonderful and perfect their life is, who is taking a trip to Paris, how many people think someone is beautiful, what your kids look like on the first day of school, how awful your ex-wife is, how you hate the police, how drunk you got last weekend, etc.

I'll admit, I will never cease being the social being that I am. But, I want my friendships to be something more than a pretend relationship. One where you are friends with someone on Facebook, but if you see them in a restaurant you're not comfortable enough to strike up a conversation. I've learned that not all family and friends REALLY know me. Therefore, my tone often gets misinterpreted, and likewise, I'm sure I misunderstand a lot of other people too.

So, here's what I'm thinking:

• I want to stay in contact with people. Let's do it the "old-fashioned" way. No, not snail mail! I'm perfectly fine with occasional emails and a phone call. 
• I'm requesting that Facebook permanently delete my page. I've de-activated my page without success. I need to be completely removed. 

I'll admit. I'm scared. Scared of being obscure. Life going on in the virtual world without me. I've gotten a taste of what celebrities must be faced with. It's so important for them to be "out there" for people to see and know, but yet, completely removed. The fact is, I'm not a celebrity. I'm just an average person with feelings, thoughts, opinions, dreams and desires...but I don't need to share every single bit of that with everyone. And those that truly care about me the most will understand all of this.

Noise

There's way too much noise in our world, in my world. Political rhetoric, social media, gossip, people telling you how you fail to live up to their expectations, people telling you what they need, etc. Noise, Noise, Noise...how can anyone be spiritual with SO MUCH NOISE.

CJ is learning about the Old Testament in Religion Class. He learned this week about Moses going to the mountain and God speaking to him from the burning bush. Surely, Moses needed to get away from the noise...and perhaps the insanity of humanity is what led him to go along with the fact a bush was talking to him. Like, "Okay, this must be the final straw before I crack, I'm talking to a bush on fire." The reality is, God needed to be present in a dramatic way to get attention.

I find that sad. Why does God need to be dramatic to get our attention. How do we fail to find God in the everyday life? The beauty a new season, the sound of the rain, the eyes of a child, the smells and sights of a church...instead we are so accustom to noise that the subtle ways get ignored. We think we need noise.

But this noise distracts us from the truth, also known as God. With the elections coming up we've all been living with noise. You know the kind--the television ads, the watercooler talks, Fox News, Chris Matthews crazy rants, celebrities, church leaders, lay people, automatic phone calls. What can you really believe? Do you really believe what you think you do? How can you believe anything with SO MUCH NOISE!

As I prepare for the upcoming election, I've been determined that I will be voting on morals alone and will leave money out of the equation. Problem is, I can't. Not because I don't have the balls to do it, but because neither side possesses my morals completely.

So, I'll break down the noise in my head and share with you, "what I'm thinking:"

• Religious freedom is VERY important to me. I do not want a government that simply views us "religious folk" as the minority and completely disregard deeply held religious beliefs. I am very upset about the HHS mandate. And as a woman, I do not believe this is about women's health at all. What's healthy is to not put any chemicals in our body whatsoever, regardless of religious belief. What's healthy for a woman is to be in a caring, loving relationship with someone that, should she become pregnant, is man enough to love and support her and his child. It is not healthy to alter our bodies that were perfectly functioning before for the sake of wanting sex on demand. I want to eat boston cream donuts whenever I want, but I know I have to refrain or else I'm going to die of congested heart failure. Too bad there isn't a pill that allows me to eat donuts without getting fat and heart disease. Right? Silly argument you say? Just eat them in moderation? Don't eat them whenever I feel like it? The point I'm trying to make is religions have specific reasons for not believing in birth control, abortions and sterilizations, And those reasons are not to be judgemental and prudish...the reasons are to protect women and men alike, both which are affected by the decisions. I'm not saying outlaw them, I'm saying, don't force people who don't believe in them to pay for them for people. That's like forcing the Heart Association to pay for my cholestorol drugs for I can eat as many donuts as I want. What? They would just tell me to quit eating the freaking donuts, it's not their problem.
• On this issue, my vote goes to Romney
• Giving Preferential Option to the Poor/Weakest in our Society. Regardless if we're American or not, taking care of the least in our society is the human thing to do. It's not about being the richest country in the world (can we still claim this?) or sharing our blessings. It's about our call as humans to help those who cannot help themselves. We have elderly citizens living on social security and still not being able to afford their medicine, groceries, etc. They can't afford the tax increases, the price increases, etc. We have single moms who are trying to work (because you know, get a job you lazy bum) only to find that their food benefits for the family have been cut in half and she can no longer feed her family, therefore needing to go to pantry's to make up the difference. The job only made things worse. We have addicts that have been driven to live on the streets with untreated mental illnesses that need food, shelter, clothes, love. The fastest growing poverty population in the US is the suburbs. We have families who are spending their entire retirement while trying to find another job and hiding from their friends and family how bad off they are. And, they do not qualify for any assistance. We need social services and money to fund them. On this issue, my vote goes to Obama. HOWEVER: I also believe the weakest in our society is also the unborn children in their mothers wombs who cannot speak for themselves. Should they be lucky enough to be given a live birth, they have rights--but have absolutely no rights during gestation. That's a shame. And, it's even more a shame the father has no rights either. I am a woman. I get it's a woman's body. Trust me, I get it. But, "getting rid of the problem" is often because the woman is embarrassed or can't afford the baby, not the right time, young, etc. I do completely empathize with this situation. I really, really do. We've got to make some other options available to these mothers. We've got to make it completely awesome that she would choose to bring life into the world and give another family happiness who can't have babies or who want to adopt another child. There are loving people waiting to hold these little ones. Can we make adoption cool, hip? What if Angelina Jolie started a trend, I don't know. Can we, as a society, embrace the unprepared mother and give her help and guidance and not judge her for having unprotected sex before she was ready? It happens. Like, to almost everyone. So, my vote goes to NO ONE because both sides are absolute on pro-life/pro-choice without bringing about discussions for alternate options.
• The Economy-neither knows what their talking about. Really, it's sad. This is the best we can do with all the supposedly intelligence we have in this country? Oh, I forgot, it's politics, we don't listen to rationale. My vote: Both have losing plans.
• The Environment-Obama seems to have a better sense on this one.
• National Security-Again, both seem ill-prepared. But, I have little confidence in Obama for this one because he has sold us down the river a few times to foreign dignataries. It's like finding out your mom was talking bad about you to her friends. "What the hell mom, you're suppose to have my back--you're my mom--don't talk about me." Yeah, like that Obama. Quit talking trash about us to people. That sucks.

Okay, just typing all this has created more noise. I think I need to go to a mountain and talk to God. I need to hear him and drown out all these conflicting messages. Mainly, I pray for God's wisdom and protection of this country...one I fear is increasingly being forsaken.