2010 Year in Review

Last December 31st, I was never so glad to welcome a new year!!! 2009 was just an awful year. A really truly terrible year. All my hopes and energy went into wishing and hoping 2010 was a little more calm...and my wish was granted!

January/February
These cold winter months brought little drama. Snow followed us on our whirlwind trip to Las Vegas in February...and the Arizona Highway Patrol shut down the roads on the way to the Grand Canyon...so, we still need to do that as a family.

March/April/May
My brother Andrew decided to join the Army. We all worried so much about him. He was very brave and tried very hard, but got hurt during some of the drills. He came home in June (bittersweet: we were happy, he was sad). He decided to give college another try and is doing very well. I'm very proud of his courage!

I visited New Orleans in April for a work conference. I think this is one of the best times I've had! I so enjoyed the people, the atmosphere, Bourbon Street.

CJ turned seven in May and I officially no longer have a baby/toddler/pre-schooler. He's just so grown up. I really never thought I could love someone so much!

Ken, CJ and I took a trip to the Laurel Highlands in the southwestern region of Pennsylvania to go whitewater rafting on the Youghiogheny River. This area is just absolutely beautiful and water is pristine. We camped one night in an area without any cell phone reception. It was divine. We had a fabulous time! We also visited a couple National Parks while we were in the area!

My dad also went back to work after being laid off for over a year. 

CJ finished 1st grade and was promoted to 2nd grade. Yikes...it's just flying by!

June/July
Ken and I explored Cincinnati. We went to the William Howard Taft National Historic Site (yep, another NPS cancellation!!!).

We also explored Chicago with CJ and my nephew Justin. The purpose of the trip was Lego Discoveryland. While we were there we went on the Sky deck in Willis (formerly Sears) Tower, visited the Navy Pier, swam in the lake and tried Chicago-style pizza. We made some great memories!

The hot months of July were spent at baseball games/football began and just goofing off. Nothing earth-shattering, but we had fun! I also decided to become a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant. Wish I had more time to devote to this because I really like it.

August/September
The last days of summer are precious. We took a last minute trip to St. Louis to visit the Arch (another NPS cancellation!) and cruised the Mississippi on the Tom Sawyer.

We also visited Mammoth Cave National Park in September with friends, as well as Dino World, The Lost River and the worst diner we've ever eaten at. It makes for a great story to tell for those that were there.

CJ started 2nd grade and has an absolutely amazing teacher. We are very blessed to have her!

October/November
October was probably the hardest month of the year because each day I re-lived the tragedy of losing my brother. In October 2009 he was admitted into ICU on October 5th and died on October 31st. It still seems unreal and there are times I think that I made up the whole thing, only to be slapped with the cold reality that he really died.

I went on with the usual Halloween festivities despite a feeling of sadness. For me, it helped me cope, but never once did I forget Charlie, and I never will.

October was also busy with football and we've made some amazing new football friends in addition to the ones we already have! I would have never believed a youth football association could be so amazing, but it is and we're so happy to be part of it. Now, if we can convince CJ that he wants to be part of it (because that's what really matters) we'll be in business!

I turned 33 on November 24th. I obsessed about this slightly because my maternal grandmother was 33 when she died. I now realize how very young that is. But obsessing over bad things never makes good things happen, so I'm not giving it to the universe. My mom and husband gave me an incredible birthday gift, Toodles...a little Yorkie/Pom mix. She just now weighs 2 pounds and she's a cute as she can be!

December
Oh, the most wonderful time of the year (I say with sarcasm). It's such a hectic time. But I do feel that this year (despite not saving any money for Christmas) I had a great time. My tree was beautiful, the stockings looked great and I got to spend alot of time with husband...and we really enjoyed each others company.

We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary by spending the evening at the Westin downtown. It was wonderful. It's great to have time alone to reflect why we fell in love. And if I had to do all over again, I'd still choose him. I'm a better person because of him.

We attended our first 11 p.m. Christmas Eve service this year at Mt. Moriah UMC. It was beautiful and touching and I cried through the service. By time the candlelight part began, CJ was snoring in the pew. At midnight, we were at church wishing everyone Merry Christmas. It was the perfect way to celebrate the birth of our savior.

So, I'm now one hour away from it being New Year's Eve. As I reflect on 2010, I'm thankful beyond words that I'm here to write this, my family is here and we didn't have any tragedies come upon us. I know not every year can be like this, so I'm especially grateful for this year. My prayer for 2011 is that God will grant me courage to withstand any of life's trials should they come and to hold tighter to my faith than I have.

To all of you that read this, here is an old Irish blessing for you:

Here's to the bright new year

And a fond farewell to the old;

Here's to the things that are yet to come

And to the memories that we hold.

May God be with you and bless you.

May the best of this year be the worst of the next.

May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings.

May you know nothing but happiness

From this day forward. 

The Last Kiss

This movie was about several couples dealing with a crisis in their relationship--a 30-year marriage dealing with a confession of infidelity, a young married couple with a baby realizing they are not right for each other, a young couple deals with infidelity despite a baby on the way.

Each person in the movie that made the decision to cheat or leave did so because there was something void in either their life or in their relationship that they felt making a selfish decision would fix it. As you can guess, these decisions didn't fix anything.

The point made toward the end of the movie by one of the characters (who remained faithful throughout his 30-year marriage) is that everyone is tempted to make a selfish decision. Those who act on it have no regard for the person they love, and only think of their own feelings in the moment. A young man repeatedly tells the father of the girl he loves that he's sorry and he loves her. The father points out that any asshole can say they love someone, but the proof is what you do unto the one you love, not what you say.

People make mistakes....unforgiveable ones. I make no excuses for those who have been unfaithful. I do believe everyone has been tempted a time or two, but not everyone acts upon it.

So here's what I'm thinking: Maybe couples should spend more time thinking of what they can do to make their partner happy. Surprise them with their favorite meal, watch a football game with them, go to the ballet even if you hate it. Being with someone is one of the most remarkable gifts we have. I don't know anyone who truly loves to be lonely. Perhaps there are a few. Why is it that early in a relationship we're kind and polite and forgo the things that make us happy. Yet after we've built a foundation we become increasingly more selfish?

Relationships are hard. Music doesn't automatically play in the background when your spouse comes home from work. In my house, I'm not even sure when Ken is able to come home. And, there aren't rose petals leading up to the bedroom full of candelight. Instead, there are Legos strewn around the house, empty cans in the game room and always the sound of video games instead of violins. This is real life. And you know what, I love it.

I love movies. I look forward to this blog series on movies. But I've got to learn that real life isn't one. And what a shame movies miss out on real life. Perhaps you can't write a movie as good as the one you're living.

Becoming Jane

I've done a tad of cleaning of the holiday break (and I mean only a tad). I tend to be OCD when I clean, which I why I don't do it a lot. I obsess over insignificant items like the direction the teaspoons and tablespoons are placed in the drawer, the directions of books on the shelf (tallest to shortest), and alphabetizing my DVDs.

As I was sorting through the DVDs I discovered quite a large amount of DVDs never opened. Many of these I've seen before, some I haven't. So, I've decided to watch them all (even if I've seen them and write about them.

Tonight, I chose the first movie, a Netflix rental, "Becoming Jane." This movie is about the life of Jane Austen.

Jane Austen was a very modern woman for her times. She understood human nature and the heart in a way that wasn't necessarily socially acceptable. It was heartbreaking to watch the expectations Jane's family placed on her to marry in order ensure her family's financial success. During her era, this was common for women to marry in order to secure a comfortable life despite not being in love. There weren't employment options for women then as there are now. The only viable option for her was to marry. Amazingly, her father believed so deeply in her dream to "live by the pen" that he bought her expensive paper and a writing desk in order to encourage her gift.

Jane was a black sheep in her society. She wanted to depend on herself for her fortune and not on an arranged marriage. As I reflect on all this, my first thought was, "whoa, how times have changed." But as I thought further, I wondered, "Have they?"

Women do have so many more options today. And many are able to articulate their desire for a career  without disapproval from their family or society. Matter-of-fact, it is socially acceptable for women to create their own fortune. But there are many women who do marry with the idea of financial security in the back of their mind. They choose a husband that they do indeed love, but the package deal is a good job and perhaps a wealthy family. There are still jokes about women attending college in search of the "MRS degree." I don't want to go down the path of passing judgement on any of this, but I do have some thoughts.

So here's what I'm thinking: Life is as uncertain today as it was in the 1800s. Women can marry for financial security only to find their world ripped out from under them. I've witnessed women having their "secure" life changed by divorce or death of a spouse. These women no longer had the "luxury" of depending on a man for their financial means. They've had to live by their own "pen" in order to survive. These women had already developed skills or had an occupation they could rely on. I'm sure there are tragic stories of women not knowing how to survive when unfortunate circumstances befell them.

My thoughts aren't to say women should or shouldn't work, but rather, women should be strong and independent in order to survive life's curve balls. This isn't about being political, burning bras, women's lib, etc. It's about being able to care for oneself.

Women like Jane had to sacrifice a lot in order to make a very impossible decision. She turned down an offer of marriage that would have turned her families financial decison for the better. Matter-of-fact, she never married at all. How lucky us women are today that our decisions aren't so difficult. We do have so many choices. So, whatever you choose, ensure your choice doesn't leave you dependent and helpless.

A New Journey

I've been spending a considerable amount of time thinking about a lot of things. I just turned 33...Happy Birthday to me!

There wasn't any crisis associated with this birthday. I've been asked a few times if I feel older and I don't. That's a good thing. I've actually just felt more inspired. Like something has clicked. I've decided to begin a new journey.

I don't have a name or definition for this journey yet. It may never have a name. All I can say is that whatever is in my head is revitatlizing me. I feel more youthful, in fact!

This journey is not going to feed off negativity. It is not superficial. It's not mimicking someone else's journey. I'm not afraid to go on it alone...matter-of-fact, I need to. And, that means I've resolved to let go of the dependence of what others think of me. At this point in my life, if you're worth it to me, you know.

So, I've lived for 33 years...just imagine what I'll do in the next 33 to come and beyond. I hope when I'm 66 I can reflect on this and pinpoint this as the moment I began a new journey.