365 Days

Three hundred and sixty-five days ago my brother Charlie died.

He lived for 37 years and now has been gone for 365 days. I wish I could tell you that I've made peace in the last year and have complete understanding of why it happened. But, I can't.

I wish I could say all the words of "comfort" helped, but I don't actually believe God needed him more or it was "his time." None of those actually make sense to me.

I wish that I could be at a point to believe in the power of prayer again, but I don't. So, know that when I say you're in my thoughts, you really are. I just don't know how praying would actually make the outcome you're seeking "magically" work.

I guess what I've learned in the past 365 days is this:

1. Life is short...and not fair. You don't always get what you want no matter how good you are or how much you think you deserve it. And, it may all end sooner than you want. And, that sucks.
2. God listens...but may not grant our wishes. God is much more a mystery to me than he was 366 days ago. I don't think He's a jerk or liar. I just think I may have believed in him in a way that contradicted who He really is. I know, I'm not making much sense, but it makes sense to me.
3. There's no harm in just living your life to the fullest. I've taken the opportunity to just have fun over the past year despite my sadness. I've shared tears with a total stranger in New Orleans who also lost her brother last year. We cried real tears, laughed, hugged and took a few shots together.
4. I'm less concerned with the title of my denomination. I've been raised Baptist my whole life, but really, I feel like I get Jesus more without the confines of the Baptist faith.
5. Jesus is amazing. I actually wish I could have walked and talked with him in the flesh. I'm also glad he's forgiving!
6. Drinking is a dysfunctional band-aid. That's all I'm gonna say.
7. You can mourn the death of a loved one and still cope. This says nothing about the feelings you have for this person. You don't have to dress in black and cry all the time to show people how much you love them.
8. Random crying will always creep up on you and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.
9. You should tell people how much they mean to you, regardless of how insignificant you may think it is at the time. You never know when it will be your last opportunity.
10. God is not a genie in a bottle. He's so much bigger than this finite life. He extends beyond the hours, days and years we're here on earth.
11. People die. They always have. And, it's always hurt the people that loved them. But time marches on and one of these days, we'll be history to future generations who will be dealing with their struggles of life and death.
12. I'll never "get over" losing my brother. I'll never forget him.

Life Lesson's continued by C.J

More "Life Lessons" from CJ in all his seven-year old wisdom. These are 100% his words including the post scripts. This time he edited over my shoulder and made sure I used the correct punctuation he had in mind, like an exclamation mark. Before long, he'll be typing his own blog...God help us all!

1. If you see a dust bunny, then don't give it water...give it dust for water or else it will be blown away.
2. If the dust bunny succeeds, then you should call dust bunny care.
3. If you see a bully at school, then you need to tell him that he is dumb because bullies are dumb.
4. If you plan a party, then you need to have a whole entire squad of daycare teachers take care of the kids.
5. On Halloween, make sure your costume doesn't scare yourself to death. (P.S. It will dumb if you scare yourself to death!)
6. Make sure in October you don't think it's December because you are way ahead of life.
7. If you go to the beach in October you will be freezing or maybe hot.
8. If you look up at number 7, then you are behind. We are down here at number 8.
9. If you're nervous about Halloween then there is something wrong with you.
10. If you watch a Halloween movie and you get scared, make sure not to go in your basement.