On Christianity...

Being a Christian is a funny thing. How you "practice" your Christian faith is based on a variety of factors: what part of the globe your from, your past experiences, your conversion experience, what denomination you belong to, who your parents are, where you work, what music you like, if you like alcohol or not, education level, where you are in life.

My point is this, being a Christian is about as unique as our own fingerprints. One size doesn't fit all, yet institutionalized "religion" tries to make it such. If you're an independent Baptist, you are taught that the King James version of the Bible is the only true word of God...and no dancing, rock and roll, alcohol or smoking (pretty much the theme to Footloose). However, everyone varies in what they do behind closed doors. So, what's the point in playing along if we're all going to do what we want anyway.

I have a strong distaste for hypocrisy. I always have. I've always been unconfortable playing one part and then doing another...though I've played it well , so I'm not putting myself on a pedestal. I had a moment tonight. My pastor stopped by to check in on me. My older brother passed away on Halloween this year. He was only 37 years old. He meant alot to me and taught me the importance of "unlearning" alot of the religious garbage that I've come accustom to. So, as the pastor was standing in my hallway I could almost feel Charlie chuckling at me because I purposely kept the pastor in the hallway. Why? Well, instant panic hit me when I opened the door and saw his face. What's the first thing that came to my mind? I have a bottle of wine, coconut rum and Southern Comfort on the counter in my kitchen...he will think I'm a big-time sinner!

Now, Charlie had to be laughing somewhere up in heaven because on the predicament I'm in. I've been taught virtually my whole life that drinking is NOT something good Christian people do, despite the fact that I actually don't believe this. I am a fundamentalist. I do literally believe the word of God, and all I can come to grips with is that God says he doesn't like drunkards...aka alcoholics. Yes, I believe that Jesus created wine (and drank it too) at the wedding in Cana. I don't necessarily believe it was unfermented, though I don't care if it was. Christians get way too hung up on stuff like this. What does it freaking matter?

So, here's what I'm thinkin'...why do Christians put some much pressure on themselves to look, act, dress and behave in certain ways? The only thing I figure is that Jesus left his followers with pretty clear directions...go and tell people that HE is the Messiah...HE became the final sacrifice to satisfy the curse of death so we can live eternally. Oh, and to love on people...to serve people...to hang out with those who the "religious" people scoff at and so on.

Do I think that Jesus cares that I have a bottle of rum in my kitchen? No. But He does care how lazy I've been in heeding His call. I've ran away from my mission. I've sunk my head into other things in hopes that He'll go away and leave me alone. Doing his work is hard and you don't get any recognition (a sin that plagues me to the fullest).

I'm trying. I've had the crappiest year of my life. And losing Charlie was the climax thus far. I'm angry but I really don't know at who. If I can be most honest, I'm not sure it's even at God. He's just been the easiest one to blame (next to the Devil). But God has felt this hurt and I believe He feels it with me. Does that make me feel better? Eh...

So Here's What I'm Thinkin'....

So, for those of you who know me for real, I must tell you that I'm not crazy and know that my name is different. This was after a discussion with my husband who encouraged me to use a pseudonym. For those of you who know him, you know that he didn't use that word. Rather, he said to use a fake name to protect my identity given what he does. So, please play along and call me Virginia. And for those of you who really know me, you'll know what my name means.

I am sitting at the kitchen table with my husband having a conversation about what to call him. He came up with K-dub, 007 and "IT"...I don't like any of these, so I won't decide tonight. If you have any ideas let me know.

However, I have to give credit where credit is due. He helped me name this blog that I've been wanting to start for a very long time. I need a creative outlet. I need to write again. I need to have my thoughts on paper...er...I guess the computer. After my carefully picked name was taken (it was Serendipity...isn't that such a great word and meaning?) I needed help choosing something that was just me. I didn't want it to relate to me being identified as a wife, mother, employee, etc. And apparently I randomly say (often), "So, here's what I'm thinkin'..."

I'm often in deep thought. Hard to believe with how much I talk. But I am a deep thinker. I hope you all will join me in my thoughts too!