Lent is here. Since Wednesday of this week I've been in constant thought about my soul. This intangible, invisible "thing" that resides within me.
What is it? Is it a reflection of all who I really am? Is it a total of all the love, anger, hatred, humor I have? Is it separate from my intellect? Whatever it is, I do believe it is eternal and that it continues after my phycial body is gone.
It's not a secret to any of you who know me that I have been protesting prayer. This is one of the spiritual things that I decided was a hoax. I've been working through this. It's painful to listen to the cliches..."prayer changes things," "the power of prayer," "I'll pray you'll feel better," yadda yadda yadda.
If you've said these things to me, please don't take offense. I believe wholeheartedly you believe these things. I'm just not sure I do. I'm working on it.
So, instead of "giving up" some pretend sacrifice for Lent, I am choosing this time to dig into what prayer is. So each day on my way into work, I've been talking to God. Wednesday went something like this:
Okay, God. So, you know I have a hard time doing this because...(pause, I think silently, "because I don't believe it works)...well, you know why. Honestly, I don't even have the words right now. So, you know what's going on in my heart and mind, so can you just read them? I'm not going to use you as a genie in the bottle because I just don't believe that's how it works. So...(again I pause because I feel awkward). Okay, that's it. It's nice chatting with you. In Christ's name, Amen.
Today went something like this:
Dear Lord. I want to thank you for...well, let's just say I am thankful for things though I'm not sure it's because you have blessed me that I have them. I mean, you could have blessed me but maybe I should just be thankful for the good things in my life and thank you for that. Alright, maybe I should start confessing my sins and asking for forgiveness. Please forgive me for being so angry. I am so angry all the time that I don't know what is wrong with my soul. I'm angry, jealous, short-tempered, I say mean things. I feel like I'm going to explode so can you just send the Holy Spirit with me today and help me be slow to anger and kind? Let's start there. In the name of Father, Son and Holy Ghost, Amen.
So, as you can see, I have a journey ahead of me. I'm sure if God is listening he's shaking his head at my unconventional prayers. They sure aren't elegant, but they're real. And, that's what I want...a real relationship with God.
So here's what I'm thinking tonight: Maybe having my faith shattered was necessary for spiritual renewal. Maybe through all the questioning and anger I'm going to get to know God in a way I never have. I'm more open to soul searching and at a place that I want to take a spiritual journey. Maybe I should be thankful for the difficult times because my faith and spirit are the things that are of absolute importance in this world.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I Miss Charlie
I miss my brother Charlie everyday. I guess it's safe to say there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him in some capacity. Wish I could say this was the case when he was alive.
Charlie and I didn't have a traditional brother/sister relationship. We grew up in two completely different households. There were trade-offs in both of our upbringings. But the truly unfortuntate thing was that we never really bonded until we both knew we were going to be parents.
My early childhood memories of Charlie are few. We got Christmas pictures taken together once. And there are a few memories of spending time together, but nothing that was stellar.
I guess you could say I really got to know Charlie as an adult. We bonded more as friends than siblings. Though I always recall him telling me that he loved me when we saw each other. And he always made sure he hugged me goodbye. And, he ALWAYS smelled good.
As adults, we had long talks about our separate lives and current ones. Though he shared very little about him and did more of the listening and asking questions of me. He was a great listener and easy to talk to.
I miss him. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a right to because our relationship was so short-lived. But, the reality is that my half-brother was still a part of me. And, he's gone.
But when I look at my niece and nephew, I remember that it was because of them that I even had a relationship at all with my brother. I believe that both Charlie and I knew that the fate of the Matthews' family would be determined by our children. And, I do hope with ALL my might, that heaven does allow people to glimpse on the good things.
CJ's best friend is Justin. They are only 2 months and 1 day apart. They've always been together and I'm hoping that even though Charlie and I didn't have the opportunity to "grow up" together, Justin, CJ and Abby will more than make up for it.
Recently, CJ wrote a letter in school to Justin and Abby and I would like to share it. I will write it exactly how he did (spelling errors and all):
Dear Justen and Abby,
I feel blessed. I like Playing with you because it's fun. It's fun to laugh wiht you. And spin the night with you. Hope your doing good at school.
I hope I can spin the night with you some day. I hope your happy and not sad.
It's importin that your alive. It's importin because I need you.
Love,
CJ
Charlie and I didn't have a traditional brother/sister relationship. We grew up in two completely different households. There were trade-offs in both of our upbringings. But the truly unfortuntate thing was that we never really bonded until we both knew we were going to be parents.
My early childhood memories of Charlie are few. We got Christmas pictures taken together once. And there are a few memories of spending time together, but nothing that was stellar.
I guess you could say I really got to know Charlie as an adult. We bonded more as friends than siblings. Though I always recall him telling me that he loved me when we saw each other. And he always made sure he hugged me goodbye. And, he ALWAYS smelled good.
As adults, we had long talks about our separate lives and current ones. Though he shared very little about him and did more of the listening and asking questions of me. He was a great listener and easy to talk to.
I miss him. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a right to because our relationship was so short-lived. But, the reality is that my half-brother was still a part of me. And, he's gone.
But when I look at my niece and nephew, I remember that it was because of them that I even had a relationship at all with my brother. I believe that both Charlie and I knew that the fate of the Matthews' family would be determined by our children. And, I do hope with ALL my might, that heaven does allow people to glimpse on the good things.
CJ's best friend is Justin. They are only 2 months and 1 day apart. They've always been together and I'm hoping that even though Charlie and I didn't have the opportunity to "grow up" together, Justin, CJ and Abby will more than make up for it.
Recently, CJ wrote a letter in school to Justin and Abby and I would like to share it. I will write it exactly how he did (spelling errors and all):
Dear Justen and Abby,
I feel blessed. I like Playing with you because it's fun. It's fun to laugh wiht you. And spin the night with you. Hope your doing good at school.
I hope I can spin the night with you some day. I hope your happy and not sad.
It's importin that your alive. It's importin because I need you.
Love,
CJ
Thursday, January 20, 2011
What's all this talk about love?
Love.
It's what fairy tales are made of. Kisses, hugs, butterflies in the stomach, winks, playful pinches, giggles...all the by-products of so-called "love."
Where did love go wrong? These above mentioned by-products are nice if you experience them. But love extends beyond the mere superficial nature of affection.
I've been thinking a lot lately about Jesus Christ's ministry and who he was as a man. And if you read the scriptured recordings of his life, you can't help but notice how much he talks about love. And never did he mention about buying flowers or boxes of chocolates.
As a Christian, I do believe Jesus had two purposes: simply to show us how to live and to suffice as the ultimate sacrifice for human salvation. I want to discuss the first purpose.
Jesus really had a simple message: "Love one another, as I have loved you."
So, I've been thinking about this kind of love and what he has commanded of me. This love is about loving people despite their faults, race, religion, ethinicity, sins, wrongdoings against me. It requires forgiveness--much forgiveness.
This kind of love is what makes people open up their wallets to help their community, a friend or family member. This kind of love makes people fly across the globe and risk disease and danger to help those who have none. This kind of love encourages soldiers to sacrifice their lives for their country. This kind of love brings you back to someone who has wronged you.
Most importantly, this kind of love requires me to practice seeing people through the eyes of God and not through my judgemental human eyes. It means that I love ALL people...not just those that I deem worthy.
I believe 100% that if Jesus Christ lived in 2011, he would be dining with the people that we think are sinners. He would be angry at our church leaders for their selfishness and self-righteousness. He would be angry at the so-called "Christians" for the same. I'm sure he would beg a lot of people to quit calling themselves Christians altogether because more damage to his ministry is being done than good.
Becoming a Christian should be the single most mystical experience a human being has. It should transform your heart to love and not judge. NEVER ONCE DID JESUS TO ASK US TO JUDGE. Really people, look in your Bible if you don't believe me. I think God has this taken care of and doesn't need our help.
BUT JESUS DID ASK US TO LOVE.
So, despite the fact that I've been taught to judge the Catholics (because that's what the Baptists do), the homosexuals, the prostitutes and drug dealers, the lady that lives above the laundry mat, the person buying cigarettes at a gas station, the patrons of the local bars, the girls that wore blue jean skirts to church, the divorced woman, the couple that is living outside of wedlock, the people that go to nightclubs, the Democrats, The Beatles, Princess Diana, the pregnant teenager, the people who read another bible translation other than the King James Version, the...you get the picture!
So, despite all that, I LOVE THEM ALL. That's right. I love them. And, just like the very simple children's song, Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are weak but he is strong.
Yeah, Jesus is strong enough to love everyone. And, I believe he can make me strong enough to love everyone too.
So, the next time your angry at a Christian...don't be angry at Jesus. Just remember, every family has a black sheep or two...Christianity has them too! And, take that anger and love them.
It's what fairy tales are made of. Kisses, hugs, butterflies in the stomach, winks, playful pinches, giggles...all the by-products of so-called "love."
Where did love go wrong? These above mentioned by-products are nice if you experience them. But love extends beyond the mere superficial nature of affection.
I've been thinking a lot lately about Jesus Christ's ministry and who he was as a man. And if you read the scriptured recordings of his life, you can't help but notice how much he talks about love. And never did he mention about buying flowers or boxes of chocolates.
As a Christian, I do believe Jesus had two purposes: simply to show us how to live and to suffice as the ultimate sacrifice for human salvation. I want to discuss the first purpose.
Jesus really had a simple message: "Love one another, as I have loved you."
So, I've been thinking about this kind of love and what he has commanded of me. This love is about loving people despite their faults, race, religion, ethinicity, sins, wrongdoings against me. It requires forgiveness--much forgiveness.
This kind of love is what makes people open up their wallets to help their community, a friend or family member. This kind of love makes people fly across the globe and risk disease and danger to help those who have none. This kind of love encourages soldiers to sacrifice their lives for their country. This kind of love brings you back to someone who has wronged you.
Most importantly, this kind of love requires me to practice seeing people through the eyes of God and not through my judgemental human eyes. It means that I love ALL people...not just those that I deem worthy.
I believe 100% that if Jesus Christ lived in 2011, he would be dining with the people that we think are sinners. He would be angry at our church leaders for their selfishness and self-righteousness. He would be angry at the so-called "Christians" for the same. I'm sure he would beg a lot of people to quit calling themselves Christians altogether because more damage to his ministry is being done than good.
Becoming a Christian should be the single most mystical experience a human being has. It should transform your heart to love and not judge. NEVER ONCE DID JESUS TO ASK US TO JUDGE. Really people, look in your Bible if you don't believe me. I think God has this taken care of and doesn't need our help.
BUT JESUS DID ASK US TO LOVE.
So, despite the fact that I've been taught to judge the Catholics (because that's what the Baptists do), the homosexuals, the prostitutes and drug dealers, the lady that lives above the laundry mat, the person buying cigarettes at a gas station, the patrons of the local bars, the girls that wore blue jean skirts to church, the divorced woman, the couple that is living outside of wedlock, the people that go to nightclubs, the Democrats, The Beatles, Princess Diana, the pregnant teenager, the people who read another bible translation other than the King James Version, the...you get the picture!
So, despite all that, I LOVE THEM ALL. That's right. I love them. And, just like the very simple children's song, Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are weak but he is strong.
Yeah, Jesus is strong enough to love everyone. And, I believe he can make me strong enough to love everyone too.
So, the next time your angry at a Christian...don't be angry at Jesus. Just remember, every family has a black sheep or two...Christianity has them too! And, take that anger and love them.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010 Year in Review
Last December 31st, I was never so glad to welcome a new year!!! 2009 was just an awful year. A really truly terrible year. All my hopes and energy went into wishing and hoping 2010 was a little more calm...and my wish was granted!
January/February
These cold winter months brought little drama. Snow followed us on our whirlwind trip to Las Vegas in February...and the Arizona Highway Patrol shut down the roads on the way to the Grand Canyon...so, we still need to do that as a family.
March/April/May
My brother Andrew decided to join the Army. We all worried so much about him. He was very brave and tried very hard, but got hurt during some of the drills. He came home in June (bittersweet: we were happy, he was sad). He decided to give college another try and is doing very well. I'm very proud of his courage!
I visited New Orleans in April for a work conference. I think this is one of the best times I've had! I so enjoyed the people, the atmosphere, Bourbon Street.
CJ turned seven in May and I officially no longer have a baby/toddler/pre-schooler. He's just so grown up. I really never thought I could love someone so much!
Ken, CJ and I took a trip to the Laurel Highlands in the southwestern region of Pennsylvania to go whitewater rafting on the Youghiogheny River. This area is just absolutely beautiful and water is pristine. We camped one night in an area without any cell phone reception. It was divine. We had a fabulous time! We also visited a couple National Parks while we were in the area!
My dad also went back to work after being laid off for over a year.
CJ finished 1st grade and was promoted to 2nd grade. Yikes...it's just flying by!
June/July
Ken and I explored Cincinnati. We went to the William Howard Taft National Historic Site (yep, another NPS cancellation!!!).
We also explored Chicago with CJ and my nephew Justin. The purpose of the trip was Lego Discoveryland. While we were there we went on the Sky deck in Willis (formerly Sears) Tower, visited the Navy Pier, swam in the lake and tried Chicago-style pizza. We made some great memories!
The hot months of July were spent at baseball games/football began and just goofing off. Nothing earth-shattering, but we had fun! I also decided to become a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant. Wish I had more time to devote to this because I really like it.
August/September
The last days of summer are precious. We took a last minute trip to St. Louis to visit the Arch (another NPS cancellation!) and cruised the Mississippi on the Tom Sawyer.
We also visited Mammoth Cave National Park in September with friends, as well as Dino World, The Lost River and the worst diner we've ever eaten at. It makes for a great story to tell for those that were there.
CJ started 2nd grade and has an absolutely amazing teacher. We are very blessed to have her!
October/November
October was probably the hardest month of the year because each day I re-lived the tragedy of losing my brother. In October 2009 he was admitted into ICU on October 5th and died on October 31st. It still seems unreal and there are times I think that I made up the whole thing, only to be slapped with the cold reality that he really died.
I went on with the usual Halloween festivities despite a feeling of sadness. For me, it helped me cope, but never once did I forget Charlie, and I never will.
October was also busy with football and we've made some amazing new football friends in addition to the ones we already have! I would have never believed a youth football association could be so amazing, but it is and we're so happy to be part of it. Now, if we can convince CJ that he wants to be part of it (because that's what really matters) we'll be in business!
I turned 33 on November 24th. I obsessed about this slightly because my maternal grandmother was 33 when she died. I now realize how very young that is. But obsessing over bad things never makes good things happen, so I'm not giving it to the universe. My mom and husband gave me an incredible birthday gift, Toodles...a little Yorkie/Pom mix. She just now weighs 2 pounds and she's a cute as she can be!
December
Oh, the most wonderful time of the year (I say with sarcasm). It's such a hectic time. But I do feel that this year (despite not saving any money for Christmas) I had a great time. My tree was beautiful, the stockings looked great and I got to spend alot of time with husband...and we really enjoyed each others company.
We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary by spending the evening at the Westin downtown. It was wonderful. It's great to have time alone to reflect why we fell in love. And if I had to do all over again, I'd still choose him. I'm a better person because of him.
We attended our first 11 p.m. Christmas Eve service this year at Mt. Moriah UMC. It was beautiful and touching and I cried through the service. By time the candlelight part began, CJ was snoring in the pew. At midnight, we were at church wishing everyone Merry Christmas. It was the perfect way to celebrate the birth of our savior.
So, I'm now one hour away from it being New Year's Eve. As I reflect on 2010, I'm thankful beyond words that I'm here to write this, my family is here and we didn't have any tragedies come upon us. I know not every year can be like this, so I'm especially grateful for this year. My prayer for 2011 is that God will grant me courage to withstand any of life's trials should they come and to hold tighter to my faith than I have.
To all of you that read this, here is an old Irish blessing for you:
January/February
These cold winter months brought little drama. Snow followed us on our whirlwind trip to Las Vegas in February...and the Arizona Highway Patrol shut down the roads on the way to the Grand Canyon...so, we still need to do that as a family.
March/April/May
My brother Andrew decided to join the Army. We all worried so much about him. He was very brave and tried very hard, but got hurt during some of the drills. He came home in June (bittersweet: we were happy, he was sad). He decided to give college another try and is doing very well. I'm very proud of his courage!
I visited New Orleans in April for a work conference. I think this is one of the best times I've had! I so enjoyed the people, the atmosphere, Bourbon Street.
CJ turned seven in May and I officially no longer have a baby/toddler/pre-schooler. He's just so grown up. I really never thought I could love someone so much!
Ken, CJ and I took a trip to the Laurel Highlands in the southwestern region of Pennsylvania to go whitewater rafting on the Youghiogheny River. This area is just absolutely beautiful and water is pristine. We camped one night in an area without any cell phone reception. It was divine. We had a fabulous time! We also visited a couple National Parks while we were in the area!
My dad also went back to work after being laid off for over a year.
CJ finished 1st grade and was promoted to 2nd grade. Yikes...it's just flying by!
June/July
Ken and I explored Cincinnati. We went to the William Howard Taft National Historic Site (yep, another NPS cancellation!!!).
We also explored Chicago with CJ and my nephew Justin. The purpose of the trip was Lego Discoveryland. While we were there we went on the Sky deck in Willis (formerly Sears) Tower, visited the Navy Pier, swam in the lake and tried Chicago-style pizza. We made some great memories!
The hot months of July were spent at baseball games/football began and just goofing off. Nothing earth-shattering, but we had fun! I also decided to become a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant. Wish I had more time to devote to this because I really like it.
August/September
The last days of summer are precious. We took a last minute trip to St. Louis to visit the Arch (another NPS cancellation!) and cruised the Mississippi on the Tom Sawyer.
We also visited Mammoth Cave National Park in September with friends, as well as Dino World, The Lost River and the worst diner we've ever eaten at. It makes for a great story to tell for those that were there.
CJ started 2nd grade and has an absolutely amazing teacher. We are very blessed to have her!
October/November
October was probably the hardest month of the year because each day I re-lived the tragedy of losing my brother. In October 2009 he was admitted into ICU on October 5th and died on October 31st. It still seems unreal and there are times I think that I made up the whole thing, only to be slapped with the cold reality that he really died.
I went on with the usual Halloween festivities despite a feeling of sadness. For me, it helped me cope, but never once did I forget Charlie, and I never will.
October was also busy with football and we've made some amazing new football friends in addition to the ones we already have! I would have never believed a youth football association could be so amazing, but it is and we're so happy to be part of it. Now, if we can convince CJ that he wants to be part of it (because that's what really matters) we'll be in business!
I turned 33 on November 24th. I obsessed about this slightly because my maternal grandmother was 33 when she died. I now realize how very young that is. But obsessing over bad things never makes good things happen, so I'm not giving it to the universe. My mom and husband gave me an incredible birthday gift, Toodles...a little Yorkie/Pom mix. She just now weighs 2 pounds and she's a cute as she can be!
December
Oh, the most wonderful time of the year (I say with sarcasm). It's such a hectic time. But I do feel that this year (despite not saving any money for Christmas) I had a great time. My tree was beautiful, the stockings looked great and I got to spend alot of time with husband...and we really enjoyed each others company.
We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary by spending the evening at the Westin downtown. It was wonderful. It's great to have time alone to reflect why we fell in love. And if I had to do all over again, I'd still choose him. I'm a better person because of him.
We attended our first 11 p.m. Christmas Eve service this year at Mt. Moriah UMC. It was beautiful and touching and I cried through the service. By time the candlelight part began, CJ was snoring in the pew. At midnight, we were at church wishing everyone Merry Christmas. It was the perfect way to celebrate the birth of our savior.
So, I'm now one hour away from it being New Year's Eve. As I reflect on 2010, I'm thankful beyond words that I'm here to write this, my family is here and we didn't have any tragedies come upon us. I know not every year can be like this, so I'm especially grateful for this year. My prayer for 2011 is that God will grant me courage to withstand any of life's trials should they come and to hold tighter to my faith than I have.
To all of you that read this, here is an old Irish blessing for you:
Here's to the bright new year
And a fond farewell to the old;
Here's to the things that are yet to come
And to the memories that we hold.
May God be with you and bless you.
May the best of this year be the worst of the next.
May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.
The Last Kiss
This movie was about several couples dealing with a crisis in their relationship--a 30-year marriage dealing with a confession of infidelity, a young married couple with a baby realizing they are not right for each other, a young couple deals with infidelity despite a baby on the way.
Each person in the movie that made the decision to cheat or leave did so because there was something void in either their life or in their relationship that they felt making a selfish decision would fix it. As you can guess, these decisions didn't fix anything.
The point made toward the end of the movie by one of the characters (who remained faithful throughout his 30-year marriage) is that everyone is tempted to make a selfish decision. Those who act on it have no regard for the person they love, and only think of their own feelings in the moment. A young man repeatedly tells the father of the girl he loves that he's sorry and he loves her. The father points out that any asshole can say they love someone, but the proof is what you do unto the one you love, not what you say.
People make mistakes....unforgiveable ones. I make no excuses for those who have been unfaithful. I do believe everyone has been tempted a time or two, but not everyone acts upon it.
So here's what I'm thinking: Maybe couples should spend more time thinking of what they can do to make their partner happy. Surprise them with their favorite meal, watch a football game with them, go to the ballet even if you hate it. Being with someone is one of the most remarkable gifts we have. I don't know anyone who truly loves to be lonely. Perhaps there are a few. Why is it that early in a relationship we're kind and polite and forgo the things that make us happy. Yet after we've built a foundation we become increasingly more selfish?
Relationships are hard. Music doesn't automatically play in the background when your spouse comes home from work. In my house, I'm not even sure when Ken is able to come home. And, there aren't rose petals leading up to the bedroom full of candelight. Instead, there are Legos strewn around the house, empty cans in the game room and always the sound of video games instead of violins. This is real life. And you know what, I love it.
I love movies. I look forward to this blog series on movies. But I've got to learn that real life isn't one. And what a shame movies miss out on real life. Perhaps you can't write a movie as good as the one you're living.
Becoming Jane
I've done a tad of cleaning of the holiday break (and I mean only a tad). I tend to be OCD when I clean, which I why I don't do it a lot. I obsess over insignificant items like the direction the teaspoons and tablespoons are placed in the drawer, the directions of books on the shelf (tallest to shortest), and alphabetizing my DVDs.
As I was sorting through the DVDs I discovered quite a large amount of DVDs never opened. Many of these I've seen before, some I haven't. So, I've decided to watch them all (even if I've seen them and write about them.
Tonight, I chose the first movie, a Netflix rental, "Becoming Jane." This movie is about the life of Jane Austen.
Jane Austen was a very modern woman for her times. She understood human nature and the heart in a way that wasn't necessarily socially acceptable. It was heartbreaking to watch the expectations Jane's family placed on her to marry in order ensure her family's financial success. During her era, this was common for women to marry in order to secure a comfortable life despite not being in love. There weren't employment options for women then as there are now. The only viable option for her was to marry. Amazingly, her father believed so deeply in her dream to "live by the pen" that he bought her expensive paper and a writing desk in order to encourage her gift.
Jane was a black sheep in her society. She wanted to depend on herself for her fortune and not on an arranged marriage. As I reflect on all this, my first thought was, "whoa, how times have changed." But as I thought further, I wondered, "Have they?"
Women do have so many more options today. And many are able to articulate their desire for a career without disapproval from their family or society. Matter-of-fact, it is socially acceptable for women to create their own fortune. But there are many women who do marry with the idea of financial security in the back of their mind. They choose a husband that they do indeed love, but the package deal is a good job and perhaps a wealthy family. There are still jokes about women attending college in search of the "MRS degree." I don't want to go down the path of passing judgement on any of this, but I do have some thoughts.
So here's what I'm thinking: Life is as uncertain today as it was in the 1800s. Women can marry for financial security only to find their world ripped out from under them. I've witnessed women having their "secure" life changed by divorce or death of a spouse. These women no longer had the "luxury" of depending on a man for their financial means. They've had to live by their own "pen" in order to survive. These women had already developed skills or had an occupation they could rely on. I'm sure there are tragic stories of women not knowing how to survive when unfortunate circumstances befell them.
My thoughts aren't to say women should or shouldn't work, but rather, women should be strong and independent in order to survive life's curve balls. This isn't about being political, burning bras, women's lib, etc. It's about being able to care for oneself.
Women like Jane had to sacrifice a lot in order to make a very impossible decision. She turned down an offer of marriage that would have turned her families financial decison for the better. Matter-of-fact, she never married at all. How lucky us women are today that our decisions aren't so difficult. We do have so many choices. So, whatever you choose, ensure your choice doesn't leave you dependent and helpless.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A New Journey
I've been spending a considerable amount of time thinking about a lot of things. I just turned 33...Happy Birthday to me!
There wasn't any crisis associated with this birthday. I've been asked a few times if I feel older and I don't. That's a good thing. I've actually just felt more inspired. Like something has clicked. I've decided to begin a new journey.
I don't have a name or definition for this journey yet. It may never have a name. All I can say is that whatever is in my head is revitatlizing me. I feel more youthful, in fact!
This journey is not going to feed off negativity. It is not superficial. It's not mimicking someone else's journey. I'm not afraid to go on it alone...matter-of-fact, I need to. And, that means I've resolved to let go of the dependence of what others think of me. At this point in my life, if you're worth it to me, you know.
So, I've lived for 33 years...just imagine what I'll do in the next 33 to come and beyond. I hope when I'm 66 I can reflect on this and pinpoint this as the moment I began a new journey.
There wasn't any crisis associated with this birthday. I've been asked a few times if I feel older and I don't. That's a good thing. I've actually just felt more inspired. Like something has clicked. I've decided to begin a new journey.
I don't have a name or definition for this journey yet. It may never have a name. All I can say is that whatever is in my head is revitatlizing me. I feel more youthful, in fact!
This journey is not going to feed off negativity. It is not superficial. It's not mimicking someone else's journey. I'm not afraid to go on it alone...matter-of-fact, I need to. And, that means I've resolved to let go of the dependence of what others think of me. At this point in my life, if you're worth it to me, you know.
So, I've lived for 33 years...just imagine what I'll do in the next 33 to come and beyond. I hope when I'm 66 I can reflect on this and pinpoint this as the moment I began a new journey.
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