I've been known to say a time or two that family is overrated. Other than my immediate family, I've never been one to desire the big "Walton" family and all the fuss that goes on with it. I came from a small family, so maybe that's why. Maybe it's because I was raised as an only child until my little brother was born when I was nine (remember, I wasn't raised with my older brother).
I have amazing memories of my Nanny...my great-grandmother. But she died when I was 10. And, I really lucked out of having doting grandparents. The same grandparents that made over my older brother and cousins had very little affection or appreciation for my existence. I think this may have affected me more than I realize.
Despite the fact I was involved so many activiites and made good grades, etc., my grandparents never showed their pride. Unfortunately, all I heard was a comment about what another member of the family was doing that they tried to "one-up" my experience. That comparison is enough to drive you crazy.
I still carry this baggage. The baggage of never feeling "good-enough" or feeling compared. Even when people don't intentionally compare me with someone else, I still feel it. And, I've overcompensated this with being extremely independent and strong. Now, don't get me wrong, I love that I am independent and strong, but I think this lends to people feeling like they never have to go out their way to say complimentary things to me.
Guess what, strong, independent women still need to hear positive remarks. Don't think they don't.
From my observations, it often seems to me that the most emotionally "needy" people are the ones people flock to and say things like, "Oh, you're so beautiful," or "Gorgeous like always," etc. What makes these people gorgeous and beautiful? And sense I've gained weight, I feel the sting of these comments even more. It's not that I actually need everyone's approval or to be lied to for the sake of making me feel good. I just get perplexed why people go out of their way to tell all the "pretty" people of the world how great they are, yet no one goes out of their way to say, "You're so great for being a good human being," etc. However, as I'm typing those words I feel the conviction that all this comes down to pride.
PRIDE is one of the those character flaws I'm trying to work on. God help me.
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