When I was pregnant with CJ I was scared to death. I didn't have the slightest idea how to be a parent. I spent my whole life up until that point dreaming of a career, fortune and maybe a little fame along the way. A child wasn't part of my plan.
During the months of pregnancy I kept my "act" up. I was not impressed by the mammoth baby superstores. I insisted that my baby bag be Eddie Bauer because I did not want to carry around anything pastel with elephants on it. And to top it off, it seemed everyone I knew was pregnant and I felt pressure on that front. I just didn't want to engage in all the baby talk. Besides, I worked full-time and had other things to think about.
As the time drew nearer, I prepared the nursery but it wasn't real. The only thing real at that point was this unknown baby I would feel moving inside me. A feeling I still miss.
CJ entered this world gracefully after only putting me through five hours of labor. Great pregnancy, great labor, great kid.
Like all children, CJ is a miracle and special beyond words. We brought him to church when he was four weeks old. I figured a month at home was good before I started passing him around to everyone at church. Ken and I participated in a baby dedication ceremony where we promised to raise CJ to know the Lord.
I can recall our early conversations being centered around spiritual matters. He would ask about God and the devil and question why the devil wants to hurt us. He wanted to know if Jesus could kick the devil's butt, etc.
His spiritual life is the thing I'm most proud of. At the age of six, he began to question what communion was and wanted to take it. At that time, we were Baptist and I explained that he must be baptized first. So, he asked to be baptized. After a meeting with the preacher, CJ was able to exhibit a mature understanding of who Jesus Christ is and the sacrifice for our sins. CJ prayed for forgiveness and asked Jesus to come into his heart. He then followed in a public profession of faith and baptism. This is all customary for a Baptist faith.
It wasn't long after he was baptized that we ceased going to that church. There was just something missing for me. I think I may have addressed this in a previous blog. Then, as most of you reading this know, my brother passed away later that year and we quit going to church for awhile.
However, CJ and I never quit talking about our faith. It was CJ that agreed to go to Bellarmine with me last year when I felt the gentle push to worship in church once again. CJ loved it, and we brought Ken with us the following Sunday.
Now our conversations turned toward Catholicism and lots of questions. CJ wanted to know the reasons for everything..what's that smell (incense), why aren't we taking communion, are we Catholic, how can he be catholic, etc.
CJ shared in each step of my conversion with me. When I learned something, I taught him. He was so proud of me when I had my confirmation. Then it became his turn with preparations for first communion.
I asked him so many times why he wanted to take communion and what his understanding of communion was. He has this amazing maturity about him and understanding of the real presence of Christ in the bread of wine. CJ loves Jesus...he can talk to you abou the trinity but admit to you it's confusing. He believes in Heaven. He believes there is more for us in store after this life. CJ believes that one of these days God will create a new Heaven and Earth. His faith is young and pure, yet mature.
Because CJ was not baptized in the Catholic church we had to meet with our priest so CJ could make his profession of faith. If I could capture the moment in words it would be "glowing smile from ear to ear." CJ was so excited about becoming Catholic. He feels the same way I do. When I asked him how he felt after talking to the priest he said, "I feel fresh." I chuckled and asked him what he means. He responded, "I'm not sure I can explain it. You know how you go to Meijer and buy milk and it's fresh, it's new...I feel new."
I know that feeling. I call it the Holy Spirit. That new and fresh feeling...the feeling that it truly doesn't matter what your past faults are, your insecurities, your shortcomings...a feeling that you know that you are loved beyond words by your Maker.
CJ made his first communion yesterday. He is in communion with the Roman Catholic Church. He shared the body of Christ with rest of the believers. And, may I add...was quite the stud-muffin!
My wish for CJ is that he keeps that fire going. He's eight (almost nine). We all know life gets yucky. And as we get older, we certainly muck it up by complicating our faith and our life. As much as I don't want him to experience pain, hurt and frustration, I know he will. And in some ways, he needs to in order to strengthen his relationship with God. If everything in our life went perfect, it would be hard to rely on God.
I love you CJ! I'm so proud of who you are. I'm proud of your kindness. I'm proud of your selflessness and realization that others have needs that you are able to meet. I'm proud that you don't care about material possessions in order to be truly happy. I'm proud of your faith and love of God.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace - Numbers 6:24-26
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