I Miss Charlie

I miss my brother Charlie everyday. I guess it's safe to say there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him in some capacity. Wish I could say this was the case when he was alive.

Charlie and I didn't have a traditional brother/sister relationship. We grew up in two completely different households. There were trade-offs in both of our upbringings. But the truly unfortuntate thing was that we never really bonded until we both knew we were going to be parents.

My early childhood memories of Charlie are few. We got Christmas pictures taken together once. And there are a few memories of spending time together, but nothing that was stellar.

I guess you could say I really got to know Charlie as an adult. We bonded more as friends than siblings. Though I always recall him telling me that he loved me when we saw each other. And he always made sure he hugged me goodbye. And, he ALWAYS smelled good.

As adults, we had long talks about our separate lives and current ones. Though he shared very little about him and did more of the listening and asking questions of me. He was a great listener and easy to talk to.

I miss him. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a right to because our relationship was so short-lived. But, the reality is that my half-brother was still a part of me. And, he's gone.

But when I look at my niece and nephew, I remember that it was because of them that I even had a relationship at all with my brother. I believe that both Charlie and I knew that the fate of the Matthews' family would be determined by our children. And, I do hope with ALL my might, that heaven does allow people to glimpse on the good things.

CJ's best friend is Justin. They are only 2 months and 1 day apart. They've always been together and I'm hoping that even though Charlie and I didn't have the opportunity to "grow up" together, Justin, CJ and Abby will more than make up for it.

Recently, CJ wrote a letter in school to Justin and Abby and I would like to share it. I will write it exactly how he did (spelling errors and all):

Dear Justen and Abby,
I feel blessed. I like Playing with you because it's fun. It's fun to laugh wiht you. And spin the night with you. Hope your doing good at school.

 I hope I can spin the night with you some day. I hope your happy and not sad.

It's importin that your alive. It's importin because I need you.

Love,
CJ