If I were a celebrity I would most certainly be a B-lister. I would be as famous as the 1980s/1990s television stars that didn't quite make it to superstardom. I do believe in myself enough to think that I wouldn't be completely forgotten, just not the first person that would come to someone's mind.
I've joked with people before that I'm a B-lister. I've actually never been the person that's made #1 on the list of invites to parties, dinner with friends, etc. I'm not a trend setter, I'm not a drop-dead gorgeous person, I'm not as funny to others as I think I am (though I actually don't care about that because I often laugh out loud at myself).
But as I age, this becomes less important. I use to feel sorry for myself and wonder why is that some people seem to be a magnet for people's affections despite being self-centered? I do feel that the "confidence" these self-centered people exude lures people into their world. I'm not sure people like me lure anyone to be with them. People like me are, alright...but not awesome.
I'm not a bad person...though I do think sometimes I'm a bad friend. Despite wanting to have friends, I find myself getting overwhelmed with the work friendships take. And, that's pretty pathetic, I'll admit. How do I fit friendships into my already crazy lifestyle of being a mother to a school-aged child, wife to a workaholic while trying to maintain a career of my own? At the end of the day, my friendships suffer. But I make no apologies for choosing my family.
So, here's what I'm thinking: as I look at pictures of my former "best" friends getting on with their life without me, I need to realize that I've made the decision to be out. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss them and their friendship but I am not sure I know how to balance all of it.
Looks like I'm staying on the B list for awhile longer.
No comments:
Post a Comment