Being a Christian is a funny thing. How you "practice" your Christian faith is based on a variety of factors: what part of the globe your from, your past experiences, your conversion experience, what denomination you belong to, who your parents are, where you work, what music you like, if you like alcohol or not, education level, where you are in life.
My point is this, being a Christian is about as unique as our own fingerprints. One size doesn't fit all, yet institutionalized "religion" tries to make it such. If you're an independent Baptist, you are taught that the King James version of the Bible is the only true word of God...and no dancing, rock and roll, alcohol or smoking (pretty much the theme to Footloose). However, everyone varies in what they do behind closed doors. So, what's the point in playing along if we're all going to do what we want anyway.
I have a strong distaste for hypocrisy. I always have. I've always been unconfortable playing one part and then doing another...though I've played it well , so I'm not putting myself on a pedestal. I had a moment tonight. My pastor stopped by to check in on me. My older brother passed away on Halloween this year. He was only 37 years old. He meant alot to me and taught me the importance of "unlearning" alot of the religious garbage that I've come accustom to. So, as the pastor was standing in my hallway I could almost feel Charlie chuckling at me because I purposely kept the pastor in the hallway. Why? Well, instant panic hit me when I opened the door and saw his face. What's the first thing that came to my mind? I have a bottle of wine, coconut rum and Southern Comfort on the counter in my kitchen...he will think I'm a big-time sinner!
Now, Charlie had to be laughing somewhere up in heaven because on the predicament I'm in. I've been taught virtually my whole life that drinking is NOT something good Christian people do, despite the fact that I actually don't believe this. I am a fundamentalist. I do literally believe the word of God, and all I can come to grips with is that God says he doesn't like drunkards...aka alcoholics. Yes, I believe that Jesus created wine (and drank it too) at the wedding in Cana. I don't necessarily believe it was unfermented, though I don't care if it was. Christians get way too hung up on stuff like this. What does it freaking matter?
So, here's what I'm thinkin'...why do Christians put some much pressure on themselves to look, act, dress and behave in certain ways? The only thing I figure is that Jesus left his followers with pretty clear directions...go and tell people that HE is the Messiah...HE became the final sacrifice to satisfy the curse of death so we can live eternally. Oh, and to love on people...to serve people...to hang out with those who the "religious" people scoff at and so on.
Do I think that Jesus cares that I have a bottle of rum in my kitchen? No. But He does care how lazy I've been in heeding His call. I've ran away from my mission. I've sunk my head into other things in hopes that He'll go away and leave me alone. Doing his work is hard and you don't get any recognition (a sin that plagues me to the fullest).
I'm trying. I've had the crappiest year of my life. And losing Charlie was the climax thus far. I'm angry but I really don't know at who. If I can be most honest, I'm not sure it's even at God. He's just been the easiest one to blame (next to the Devil). But God has felt this hurt and I believe He feels it with me. Does that make me feel better? Eh...
4 comments:
I totally agree, religion is a tough thing. The pressures that are put uopn us to do and behave and run our lives a certain way in order to get into heaven one day is unfair. I was raised with a variety of religions, from your basic hillybilly bible thumper to marrying into catholic religion. As my Dad was dying he talked to me about "life" he told me so much and shared so much, some of which I did not even want to hear, but I listened and what I learned most out of it all was he kept saying. "Baby it's all about what you do in this life he (god) gives ya, we ain't perfect just human, do your best you know what' right and what's wrong..the rest will just happen". In his ramblings I guess what I believe in is God, that's it plain and simple.. do the right thing and the rest just happens.
Good stuff. I was raised in the Baptist "tradition" you spell out. Once I grew, I found myself a nice home in the Catholic Church and can't imagine calling any place else home. But the thing the denominations and those that continue the Protestant v. Catholic battles forget is that we're worshipping the same loving God. Maybe I'm right, maybe they're right, but in the end that's all ceremony. That hour or three Sunday morning isn't the be all end all. The rest of the week is where you make your mark.
Thanks for the blog, I've been looking for some common sense out there and now I've got a place to find it. :)
Thanks so much for reading. I'm so excited to share my raw, honest thoughts with people. Your comments are inspiring.
Way to go! As Martin Luther said, "Sin boldly, because of the grace that saves us". I have Pint glasses that say this, in fact. And wasn't Jesus' first miracle turning water into wine.
I too have been struggling with "hiding my head in the sand" when it comes to living out my faith in a more intentional way. Maybe we can hold one another accountable toward this!
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